A better mother than the other

I received a message from someone who said I'm a supermom, that she liked how I provide nutritious home-cooked food to my kids, and she liked how I take care of my kids all day instead of sending them to daycare centers like some mothers do, where they may not even feed the kids properly.  While I appreciated her underlying message that I'm doing a fine job as a mother, I was unhappy about the comparison.  I am a stay-at-home mom.  But that does not make me a better mom.  If I had a professional career today--for monetary reasons and/or for personal growthand if I had to leave my kids in a daycareI would have.  Most certainly.  Without a second thought.  Not sending kids to daycare does not make a mother a better mother.  Not giving ready-made food does not make a mother a better mother.  Please, everyonea stay-at-home mom is in no way superior to any, any other mom in this world.

I am a first-time mom to my boy/girl twins who are one and half years old now, and as a stay-at-home mom, it does get very exhausting, very physically and mentally stressful to do all the household chores and cook, feed, clean, entertain and run around my kids.  It gets frustrating when I'm with them the whole day and not able to go out or have adults to talk to or have no time to do anything for myself.  It gets exhausting taking care of their needs and forgetting mine.  It gets difficult doing it all on my own with no help, and there's so much more I can say.  But when I think about how a mother working at a job outside has to juggle her work responsibilities, spend time with her husband, come back home to handle her child, cook meals at home, be a part of social circles over the weekend while also finishing up running errands and doing grocery and the household choresI have so much more respect for the woman who maintains a balance for everything and everyone important to her, and I wonder when she gets a break?  I wonder if I can ever take this kind of challenge up.  But that's not the point.  The point is  please, please don't judge.  Or go ahead and compare all you want, but don't belittle any mother.  Every mom tries really hard to be a good mom.  Motherhood comes with no instruction manual.  We all as mothers learn each day and the learning does not stop until our last breath.

So whether a mom chooses to bottle-feed over breast-feed, whether a mom buys organic and cooks meals at home or gets ready-made food packs to save her time, whether a mom gave birth through c-section and preferred that than a vaginal birth, whether a mom chose epidural to ease her pain or chose to bear it all, whether a mom chooses to cover up while feeding her child or not, whether a mom chooses a stroller over a baby-carrier to walk with her child, whether a mom prefers sleeping in a separate room to get her share of sound sleep  instead of co-sleeping with her baby, whether a mom bakes from scratch or gets a boxed-mix, whether a mom chooses to stay at home or go back to work after a maternity leave  please stop judging all, all of these moms.  We already have enough on our plate to worry about and we already feel burdened with our doubts about parenting and mothering and child-rearing.  Why add the mom-bashing and the mom-judging and the mom-criticizing to the plate?

Be a helping hand to the mom who you think needs to drag the shopping cart to the parking.  Soothe a crying baby at the airport if the mother needs to make the formula.  Distract a toddler who is throwing tantrums at the store if the mother is already irritated handling yet another tantrum.  Give an ear or a shoulder to the mother who just wants to share about her tiring day.  Reassure the mother who feels unsure if she's doing her best  that she is doing a fine job.  Remind her how she can see in her child's eyes how much that child loves her.  Remind her that tomorrow is a new day for her to learn and get better at what she's already doing pretty damn well.  Remind her that no matter what  every mother on this planet deserves the respect at this extraordinarily amazing job we do, and only we can do as mothers.

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